So I’ve been throwing the idea of starting a blog around for a while, and I guess it feels like it’s the perfect time as I’ve just moved, & now I’m a “real adult, & yadda yadda yadda. What this blog will be? God only knows.
I’m winding down my 26th year on this fine planet. I’m living on my own for the first time ever. It’s daunting. It’s amazing. It’s excessively pantsless. Your own apartment means no pants neva. So I’ll write about my life and my awkward encounters. Like the time I stood in front of the window at the grocery store far too long because I thought it was an automatic door only to realize it wasn’t moving. I cut the trip short and didn’t even buy any groceries that day.
It’ll explore my inability to socialize normally with the opposite sex. My love life, or lack there of. The countless rants that I have to sit through from my Mother and the similes people like to use to try make you feel better about why you’re single. Why is love always like an animal? There are more fish in the sea. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. All men are dogs. Well I think I’m just looking for a decent human being that isn’t an animal. Last time I checked beastiality isn’t my thing; maybe that’s my problem? I digress. Apparently, my love life is a huge source of humor for most, & I should probably start recording it because it typically doesn’t pan out the way it should. So come along for the ride, because I tend to get screwed over often, & find myself in uncomfortable situations, horrendous blind dates, and unavoidably cringe-worthy conversations.
What else will be here? My over-ability to consume wine & whiskey. I’ll probably talk about my dog. I’ll probably talk about my dog far too much. The way that I put my dog’s name into song lyrics because I know she understands what I’m doing and one day when we’re chilling in lounge chairs in Heaven she’ll be all like “Hey, remember that time you sang “I wanna dance with somebody” to me? That was a good day.” and I’ll be all like “Yes. Yes, I do Indiana Jones. I’m glad you liked it” & then we’ll continue to drink our margaritas by the pool. While Ella Fitzgerald sings to us. because that’s what my Heaven is.
So if you’re looking forward to hearing stories about stuff like that then I guess you’re in luck. Today’s the start of something new. If you have any suggestions about something you want me to write about let me know. My email address is MalerieV13@gmail.com